I could really use some advice

[agt_spooky]

After doing a round of self-edits on my new ebook, I read it through again yesterday and I'm considering throwing in the towel and not publishing it. I was like, "what was I thinking when I wrote this" and "I'm going to get ripped to shreds in reviews". I sat down and wrote up why I'm feeling this way. I would be very grateful if you guys could give it a read and just leave me a simple Yes or No answer if you think I should continue on and publish it or not. You don't even need to leave an explanation if you don't wish. I just need to know if my fears are unfounded or not.

********

Several of my close friends know that I've been plagued with self-doubt since I started writing this book. Why? Because it's very far outside my comfort zone. This is not my normal angsty, fluffy, first time romance. But I think it's good to challenge yourself as a writer, so when the idea for Broken Soldier came to me I decided to give it a shot. And it's been rough. But I've worked hard and I've written the longest book I ever have, which I was proud of.

The problem started when I shared the basic concept for the book with several people. And I received three comments all along the same lines of, "Your good guy has sex with the bad guy? And drugs play a part in the story? I don't think readers are going to react favorably to that."

While on one hand I'm glad this was mentioned to me *before* I actually published the book, it honestly dumbfounded me. Because…why? It's made very clear that one of my heroes (who is an established relationship with the other hero) is on an undercover mission and he has to get close to the bad guy. And that involves having sex with him. There is NO non-consensual sex in this book. The hero has sex with the bad guy willingly because that's his mission, even though he hates it. He is NOT betraying his partner or cheating on him. The partner knows full well what's going on, even though he hates it, too. And the drugs come into play as part of the mission, too, and become a major focus as the hero becomes an addict in the process of completing the mission.

I guess I don't understand why these aspects are a hot button for some readers, with the explanations I give for the hero's actions. I based this storyline on the years I've spent taking citizen police academy classes and listening to the stories detectives tell about their undercover work. About how far they're willing to go. You become a completely different person. You HAVE to. You might end up sleeping with someone who's not your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband. If in the process of infiltrating a drug cartel or gang you need to take drugs yourself to apprehend your target, maintain your cover or save your life, you DO it. Because it's your JOB.

Which is why undercover work is so dangerous and some detectives crash and burn under the strain and it ends up destroying their real lives. And that's what the last part of my book is about - the aftermath and the healing that the heroes need to do.

All I could think about was those three comments as I read through the book last night. Please, guys, tell me honestly - would you NOT read this book because of those aspects? Am I wasting my time with this and just opening myself up for a hell of a lot of backlash if I publish it?

Is there a way I should rewrite my blurb to make things more clear?

~~~~~~
Sergeant Connor Finley and Sergeant Shawn Weller are dedicated soldiers working covert ops for Shadow Unit - a joint UK/US anti-terrorism task force.

They had been through hell together for the last four years and come out standing side by side. But when their latest undercover op to bring down an arms dealer plunges them into a world of drugs, sex and violence, Shawn must literally get in bed with the enemy in order to complete the mission. And Connor is forced to watch, helpless, as his partner is broken into pieces in the process.

Will love be enough to put them both back together or will this be their final mission?
~~~~~~

Thoughts? Opinions? Thanks so much for reading all of this!

Comments

[liliaeth]

i'm actually interested in the idea, but I do wonder about one thing.

You talk how the hero is willingly sleeping with the bad guy, and you're right on that. But what about the bad guy's ability to consent? They're the one who are sleeping with someone, while being fooled into believing who this person is. In a way this could be seen as rape through deceit, since the hero is taking advantage of their interest.

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

Wow, that’s a very interesting take! Something I honestly never thought of. But since the bad guy is a terrorist arms dealer who kills people for a living I would be a bit shocked if my readers were overly concerned that he was being deceived. :-)

[liliaeth]

it just reminds me of a documentary I watched a while back. This woman who was a member of a hippielike group. Something to do with animal rights, I'm not sure. Turns out a British undercover officer had used her to infiltrate the organisation. He'd started a relationship with her, even got her pregnant, if I well remember. And the show was about her feelings of betrayal to be used like that.

Think there was something about her sueing the government over it. Due to the feeling of violation.

Your bad guy is of course not an innocent being taken advantage of, but he still didn't agree to sleep with a cop. Hence the dub-con. And if the hero is a decent person. He might feel guilt over this.

[asyouleft.livejournal.com]

Yes! Yes you better finish this and publish it. There are ZERO reasons for you not to do this! It sounds really interesting and your knowledge and research into your topics is always outstanding. A few people might pass up reading this? Yeah, you can't always please everyone, but someone new is going to pick it up, read it, love it and then find out you've written so much more and love all of that.

Just because you're growing as a writer doesn't mean you have to fit into the genre/story you've always been writing in, go outside your reader's comfort zone, it's what makes a great fantastic writer like yourself, even better.

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks, sweetheart! I really like what you said about going outside my reader’s comfort zone. Which is exactly what I hope will happen, that they’ll give it a try and broaden their horizons.

So in the end after everyone’s feedback here and on Facebook I’ve decided I was overreacting and I’m going to go ahead and publish the book. :-)

[wolfling]

I think there's definitely an audience for this. It might necessarily be the entirely the same audience as for the fluffy first time stuff, but that's okay! There are going to be people who don't like fluffy first time stuff that will eat this up with a spoon.

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your thoughts! I very much appreciate it. After everyone’s feedback here and on Facebook I’ve decided I was overreacting and I’m going to go ahead and publish the book. :-)

[morganslady.livejournal.com]

I think you should publish it. Some folks won't like it but you can't help that..When you publish it can you say it's not like what you've written before just to give folks a "heads up"?

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for your thoughts, sweetheart! I very much appreciate it. After everyone’s feedback here and on Facebook I’ve decided I was overreacting and I’m going to go ahead and publish the book. And be prepared for whatever comes my way afterwards. I’ll never please everyone! :-)

And yes, with this book in particular I will make sure I do several blog posts and blog tours so people are aware it’s not my usual hearts and flowers. I truly don’t want to blindside anyone.

[violateraindrop]

That totally sounds like something you'd also find in mainstream media, too. Maybe you're targeting a different audience with it, but there will there will definitely be an audience for this kind of story. Go for it!

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your thoughts! I very much appreciate it. After everyone’s feedback here and on Facebook I’ve decided I was overreacting and I’m going to go ahead and publish the book. :-)

[poisontaster]

I would read this, but I do think it's a story that would be a problem for a wider, 'mainstream' audience. Even if it is his job, people are going to dislike it and feel like it's infidelity. Drugs are going to be a problem. I think you shouldn't be afraid of that, I think you should publish, but I think you should also be ready for that pushback and dislike. It's going to be a hard sell.

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

The perception of infidelity still continues to boggle my mind, but I’m learning that some readers will not bend one inch when it comes to their MCs and their relationship. Who knows, maybe I can challenge that mindset if I can get them to give it a try. It’s always good to broaden your horizons!

Thank you so much for your thoughts! I very much appreciate it. After everyone’s feedback here and on Facebook I’ve decided I was overreacting and I’m going to go ahead and publish the book. And be prepared for whatever comes my way afterwards. I’ll never please everyone! :-)

[vala3.livejournal.com]

I would have to think that one needs to step out of their comfort zone and try new things. If what you have accomplished pleases you, go for it. Don't let others negate what you want to do, whether it is successful or not it is an endeavor that others don't always understand but it is new ground to explore.

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your thoughts! I very much appreciate it. After everyone’s feedback here and on Facebook I’ve decided I was overreacting and I’m going to go ahead and publish the book. :-)

[jimbobjoe.livejournal.com]

Yes, definitely proceed with this book! As others have said, it's just a different audience from your previous fluffy stuff. I'm sure you will find readers.

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your thoughts! I very much appreciate it. After everyone’s feedback here and on Facebook I’ve decided I was overreacting and I’m going to go ahead and publish the book. :-)

[starwatcher]

.
I expect there would be an audience for this book; many readers enjoy intense situations -- look at all the extreme hurt/comfort that shows up in so much fanfic. As long your heroes are back together at the end, and at least heading for a positive/hopeful outcome, the readers will have their "payoff".

You know how fandom tells us that information about a story is as much about offering enticement as it is about giving warning? (Sorry, tired; can't find the words I want.) But for every reader who says, "Oh, yuck, I won't read BDSM!" (for example), there's another reader who says, "Ooh, my fave couple in a BDSM relationship!? Bring it on!"

I think you'll probably get a *different* readership, but that's okay. I suggest you publish -- with enough information that the readers can choose the story with their eyes open -- and let people decide for themselves.

After all, it's the fair thing to do *for you*; you've worked too hard to flush it all down the toilet.

Good luck; I hope you get lots of positive reviews.
.

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your thoughts! I very much appreciate it. :-)

Oh yes, even though my subject matter this time around is darker, I will always be the Queen of Happy Endings. My readers need not worry about that!

Several folks have mentioned that I might gain new/different readers and I’m totally okay with that. I welcome it! I’d love to have new people check out my work.

So in the end, after everyone’s feedback here and on Facebook I’ve decided I was overreacting and I’m going to go ahead and publish the book. Because I really hav put too much work into this to let it all go.

[phyllis2779.livejournal.com]

I'm not a writer so I'm not sure what my viewpoint is worth. But I am a reader so: I think that if the book is work you can be proud of -- well-written, deeply-felt, -- whatever your criteria is for your best work -- than you should get it published. Some readers won't like it, some will, some critics may tear it to shreds, some may say it is your best work -- but you will know that it is work you are proud of. As to whether the subject may be controversial or triggering for some, genre books that also deal with serious issues in the real world are very often more worth reading those that follow a formula but lack depth. On the other hand, if you feel you could have done a better job with the book, can it or revise it. Good luck with this. Let us know what you decide.

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your thoughts! I very much appreciate it. After everyone’s feedback here and on Facebook I’ve decided I was overreacting and I’m going to go ahead and publish the book. Because like you said, I can’t please everyone but I can please myself by not giving up or giving in. :-)

[bluewolf458.livejournal.com]

The summary seems clear enough, and 'warning' enough, that anyone likely to be put off by the theme should be well aware of what is involved in the book.

And if there is any sort of anti-theme comment, it would only serve to show how effective your writing was.

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

That’s exactly what I was hoping to hear - that the summary accurately describes what’s going to transpire between my good guy and bad guy. So thank you for that!

After everyone’s feedback here and on Facebook I’ve decided I was overreacting and I’m going to go ahead and publish the book. :-)

[bluewolf458.livejournal.com]

Good!

[pattrose.livejournal.com]

HOnestly, I think it sounds interesting. Undercover work is often like this, so it's not like it should shock anyone. If they watch movies, watch television or read any books with this theme, they know how it ends and they know that it's not going to be sunny right away. It wouldn't stop me from reading it, although I'm not into reading about drug use for anything, but at the same time know that he's undercover and has to do that. It's a sticky situation, Barb. I hope you reconsider publishing, I'd hate to see all that work go down the drain. Think about it for a while before you make your final decision.

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your thoughts, Patt! I know this book won't be for everyone but I'm hoping people will give it a try if they're looking for something a bit…grittier than a hearts and flowers romance. But still with a happy ending! Always with a happy ending. :-)

After everyone's incredibly positive feedback both here and on Facebook I've decided to publish the book. :-) I really appreciate your support!

[pattrose.livejournal.com]

Barb, I'm so glad to hear this news. You sounded so defeated the other day and I wasn't happy with that at all. Good for you for publishing. There are going to be many people that like that sort of thing. H/C (With his partner) and angst apply. (I happen to like both.) Doing my snoopy dance of joy for you. And why aren't we friends on facebook? Patt Paulos-Darrow is mine.

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Patt! I've gotten great feedback from 2 of my beta readers so far, so I'm feeling good about the book. :-)

Yes, I'm on Facebook, but only under my author alter ego, Jamie Lynn Miller. No one knows me as Barb or AgtSpooky over there, as I need to keep my fandom persona and author personas separate.

If you'd like to friend me here's my direct link: facebook.com/jamielynn.miller.3

And I will certainly friend you now that you know who this strange Jamie Lynn person is. :-)