Supernatural RPS fic: Green-Eyed Monster (Jensen/Jared) 2/2

[agt_spooky]

Title: Green-Eyed Monster
Author: agt_spooky
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 11,905 (total for both parts)
Genre: Angst, First-time
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: It’s RPS, people. It never happened, but I wish it would. :-)
Author’s Notes: Many thanks, as always, to my wonderful beta, charityflint, for her help and input. Thanks, sweetie!

Summary: The weight of unrequited love lay heavy on Jensen’s shoulders, and it was getting more difficult by the day for him to bear it up. But will an unexpected kiss finally change everything?

This was written for my Sweet Charity winner, purelyironic. I can’t thank you enough for bidding on me and I truly hope you enjoy your “prize”.

 

Author’s Notes 2: The mention I make of Jensen and Jared filming the end scene of Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things was taken from many fan reports from the Asylum convention, where Jensen said Jared did go after him. Though of course I did embellish it just a bit. :-) And the mention I make of the watch is also true, again from Asylum reports, but I just made a guess here as to when Jared gave it to him.

PART TWO

The pattern continued for the next two weeks, with Jared and Todd hanging out between takes and disappearing together for meals whenever Todd was on set.

As much as it pained Jensen to admit it, Jared was happy again. Gone was the subdued man from a few weeks ago, replaced by a man who looked like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders, smiling and laughing again.

And Jensen…

Jensen was dying inside.

It hurt in ways that Jensen couldn’t even begin to describe, knowing now that Jared was interested in men…just not him. So he started keeping to himself as much as possible, retreating to his trailer whenever he could, declining Jared’s offer to hang out and watch the hockey game – needing to put some space between himself and the younger man - his only company the green-eyed monster of jealousy that he could not banish.

He thought about asking Todd how serious it was between he and Jared, but really, why torture himself?

And a week later, it looked like it was a moot question anyway, as Jensen came out of his trailer and spotted Jared walking toward the set gates during dinner break with Matt, one of the guys from the prop department. They were smiling and talking and Jensen watched as Jared reached out and patted Matt on the back, then squeezed his shoulder.

Jensen looked around for Todd and saw him speaking with one of the FX guys, the stunt man not even glancing in Jared’s direction as the younger man walked right past him.

Jensen’s brow furrowed in confusion. What the hell was going on? Was Jared through with Todd and now he was out playing the field?? He didn’t even know that Matt was gay!

Another white-hot stab of jealousy lanced through Jensen and he turned and went back into his trailer, slamming the door behind him. He paced restlessly for a moment, his movements jerky. When he thought Jared was straight and had no chance it was one thing, but now…? To have to watch as Jared worked his way from one guy to the next? It was too much.

Jensen spotted his knives on the counter and scooped them up, turning in one fluid move toward the board on the far wall and started throwing, anger behind each pump of his arm, not caring that he missed the target completely each and every time.

~~~~~~

TWO DAYS LATER

The door to Jensen’s trailer opened and he made his way stiffly inside, Jared right behind him, a concerned hand on his back.

"Are you sure you’re Ok?" Jared asked for the tenth time as Jensen sagged against the kitchen counter.

"I’m fine, Jare, really," Jensen replied unconvincingly to even his own ears.

Jared crossed his arms over his chest. "Prove it. Let me see you get your jacket off."

Jensen glared at the taller man and straightened up, then attempted to shrug out of Dean’s leather jacket. But as soon as he moved his right arm his back and shoulder muscles protested sharply. A groan escaped and he sighed in defeat.

"I hate getting thrown against walls."

Jared sighed, his mouth quirking, and shook his head. "C’mere. Let me help."

Jensen turned around and let Jared lift the jacket and Dean’s outer shirt off his shoulders and down his arms before reaching back with his left hand, over his right shoulder, to gently massage the sore muscle.

"You still have that heat cream stuff in the bathroom?" Jared asked, tossing the jacket and shirt onto the couch.

"Um, yeah, in the medicine cabinet."

"Ok, let me help you get your shirt off and I’ll put some on for you or you’ll really be hurting in the morning."

Knowing Jared was right, Jensen nodded. "Ok, thanks, man."

"All right, ummm, why don’t you bend forward and let your arms hang down a bit and I’ll pull your shirt off."

Jensen did as Jared suggested and couldn’t help starting slightly as Jared’s long fingers skimmed up the bare skin of Jensen’s sides. He still felt the tingle even after the shirt was tossed to the side, and suddenly Jared fully putting his hand on Jensen’s naked back didn’t sound like such a good idea anymore.

"Umm, hey, man, I’ve got this, really," Jensen said quickly when Jared returned from the bathroom, taking the jar of cream out of the younger man’s hands.

But Jared plucked the jar back. "What? Jen, you can’t reach. Here," Jared pulled a bar stool away from the kitchen counter. "Just sit down for crying out loud."

Unable to find a way out of this, Jensen tightened his jaw and straddled the stool, his back to Jared. He heard Jared unscrew the cap and a whiff of the slightly medicinal smell of the cream tickled his nose.

Then Jared’s large, warm hand settled on his shoulder and Jensen closed his eyes and bit his lip.

Jared’s fingers started a gentle massage, working the cream into Jensen’s sore muscles, as his other hand settled lightly on Jensen’s other shoulder. Jared continued for another minute or so, Jensen relaxing as the cream warmed his aching back and shoulder.

"Feel good, Jen?" Jared asked quietly, and Jensen slowly nodded, feeling something…shift, the atmosphere changing, becoming charged as Jared’s ministrations slowed, became almost a…caress, both hands now moving against Jensen’s bare skin. One of Jared’s thumbs was lightly sweeping up and down the back of Jensen’s neck while the fingers of Jared’s other hand were wandering down over Jensen’s shoulder toward his chest.

Jensen’s breath stuttered and he became acutely aware of the heat of Jared’s body standing so close behind him. He felt Jared bend down slightly, his face now close to Jensen’s own. Jensen swallowed thickly as Jared’s fingers kept moving downward, until they finally brushed across one of Jensen’s nipples.

Jensen sucked in a sharp breath as the sensation shot straight to his dick and he turned his head toward Jared, just as the other man closed the distance and pressed his lips to Jensen’s.

The kiss was a jolt, bringing Jensen back to his senses, and he jerked away from Jared, up and off the bar stool so fast that he stumbled, knocking over the stool in the process.

He backed away from Jared, breathing fast. "The fuck, Jared?"

Jensen saw Jared’s eyebrows knit together, confusion evident on his face. "Jen? What – ?"

"What? Do you think I’m blind, Jared?" Jensen exclaimed, anger and hurt coloring his words. "You tell me you’ve broken up with Sandy, that you’ve fallen for someone else. Just when I think that I – " Jensen cut himself off sharply, swallowed. "The next thing I know, you and Todd are glued together then suddenly you’re with Matt! And now you’re kissing me?"

Jensen clenched his hands into fists. "What are you doing, Jared? Seeing what you like? What do you want from me? Just a quick fuck?" Jensen spit out, then shook his head sharply, voice rough. "I won’t be another notch on your bedpost, Jared, as you experiment with your sexuality. I just – I can’t believe you’d do something like this to me. I can’t…" he trailed off, throat closing up.

Jared was shaking his head, stepping forward, reaching out a hand toward Jensen. "No, no…Jensen – "

Jensen backed up another step, holding up a hand, stopping Jared. "Don’t. Just – don’t. Leave me the fuck alone."

Then Jensen was grabbing his own jacket from the chair, slamming open the door to the trailer and practically running out into the cold winter night air.

~~~~~

Fifteen minutes later Jensen was in his apartment, just standing there in the dark, tremors of anger and hurt running through his body. His breaths were short and shallow and he swiped at his eyes, determined not to let a single tear fall. Not over Jared. Not over what he’d done. He didn’t deserve it.

The sound of the key turning in the lock was loud in the silent apartment and Jensen spun around to see Jared stepping through the door, closing it behind him.

Jensen shook his head, walking forward. "No!" He pointed toward the door. "Get out. Right now."

"I won’t," Jared answered firmly. "I won’t because you’ve got everything wrong, Jen. Everything. You’ve got to let me explain. Jensen, please."

It was the desperation in Jared’s voice that stopped Jensen from physically throwing the other man out of his apartment. So he nodded once and stepped back, letting Jared come in to the living room, where the younger man turned on one of the lamps. Jensen blinked at the sudden brightness, catching sight of Jared’s wide eyes and stricken expression.

Jensen crossed his arms over his chest. "Start talking."

Jared nodded, swallowed, then unzipped his jacket and laid it over the arm of the nearest chair.

"I’m sorry," Jared began. "I never stopped to think what this might all look like to you, and that’s my fault."

Jensen gave a small nod and bit the inside of his mouth, forcing himself to keep quiet, to let Jared get this all out. The younger man drew in a breath and started once more.

"Let me start with Matt, since that’s the easiest explanation. The reason I’ve been having dinner with him these past couple of days is because he just got two dogs. He wanted to know if his girlfriend could bring them to the set and let them play with Harley and Sadie." Jared spread his arms out, palms up. "And that’s all it was."

Jensen cocked his head slightly. "Really?"

Jared’s voice was soft. "Really, Jen."

Jensen slowly uncrossed his arms. "And Todd?"

Jared put his hands in his pockets, looked down at the floor, then back up. "That’s more complicated."

At Jared’s words, Jensen felt the familiar sharp pain of hurt and jealousy deep in his chest, trying to prepare himself for Jared confirming that he and Todd were in a relationship with each other.

His expression must have given him away, for Jared quickly said, "It’s not what you think. I’m not sleeping with Todd. I’ve just been talking with him."

Taken by surprise at Jared’s answer, it took Jensen a moment to ask, "About what?"

"I told you that I broke up with Sandy because I fell for someone else. Well, it wasn’t another girl. It was a guy." Jared blew out a breath and ran a hand through his long hair. "I’m twenty-four, Jen. That’s pretty old to suddenly be questioning my sexuality, and I was so damn confused. So I went to Todd."

Jared paused to give a soft smile. "And he really helped me, Jen. He answered every question I had, helped me get this straightened out in my head. Gave me some books, some websites. He encouraged me not to fight my feelings. To not ignore them. I know I’ve still got a long way to go, but I’m in a much better place now, thanks to Todd."

"He’s the reason I’m out of the closet, you know." Jensen replied. "He’s such a strong person, a good role model." Jared nodded as Jensen continued, a note of hurt in his tone. "But why Todd? Why did you feel you couldn’t talk to me about all of this?"

Jared stepped forward, his voice shaking. "Because it’s about you, Jen. Because I’m in love with you. And I was scared. Scared of screwing this up because I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. So I went to Todd. Because not only is he gay, but he’s known you for longer than I have – knows about a part of your life that I’ve really never seen, and have no clue about. I wanted his help, his advice on how to make this work between us so that I didn’t make a mistake and hurt you."

Jared was standing directly in front of Jensen now and he reached out, putting his hands on Jensen’s hips. "Because I know you want this, Jen," he said quietly. "You want this as much as I do."

Jensen couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, his heart slamming against his chest as time seemed to slow down and stop at Jared’s words. My god, was this really happening? Did Jared really want…?

Jensen swallowed around the lump of emotion in his throat. "Say," his voice cracked. "Say it again."

Jared laughed, his smile warm and bright. "I love you, you idiot."

Then there were no more words, as Jared tipped his head down and captured Jensen’s mouth with his own.

Desire like Jensen had never known ripped through his body at the kiss. His arms wrapped around Jared’s back, drawing the larger man impossibly closer to him as their mouths parted and came back together again and again. Jensen’s lips parted eagerly at Jared’s insistent tongue, once more craving the taste of the younger man.

Twin groans filled the air as tongues dueled hungrily but tenderly and Jensen felt himself begin to harden inside his jeans. His hands left Jared’s back to tangle in Jared’s shaggy hair, tilting his head just slightly to better kiss him.

Jared’s hands slipped upward from Jensen’s hips, sliding underneath Jensen’s jacket to caress the bare skin underneath. Jensen sucked in a breath at the touch, pulling back from the kiss, resting his forehead briefly against Jared’s.

Both men were breathing heavily, Jared’s face flushed, his lips wet, his hazel eyes huge and desire filled and Jensen knew his own face must mirror that of the younger man’s.

Jensen placed a hand flat against Jared’s chest, over his heart, like he’d done so many times in the past, for countless photos, felt it beating as erratically as his own. He smiled up at Jared, felt the prick of tears behind his eyes.

"I love you, too. God, for so long now."

"I know Jen, I know. I’m sorry it took me so long…"

Then they were kissing again, more urgently this time, bodies pressed tight together. Just as Jensen felt Jared’s erection pushing into his stomach, the younger man whined deep in his throat. Jensen broke the kiss, looking into Jared’s eyes, nearly all pupil now.

"What do you want, Jared? You’re in control here. We’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable with. I’ll never pressure you into anything. Just tell me what you want…"

"I want," Jared panted, "Jesus, Jen, I wanna look at you, touch you, want you to touch me, too…"

Jensen smiled. "Now that can be arranged." Then he was tugging on the hem of Jared’s shirt, leading them both down the hallway and into his bedroom, where they fell into each other’s arms again, bright moonlight illuminating the room.

Clothing fell away amidst hungry kisses until there was nothing separating them, hands roaming over hot skin, fingers raising gooseflesh in anticipation. Jensen guided Jared to the bed and the two men lay down, facing each other. Jensen watched as Jared’s eyes took in all of his naked body, sweeping up and down until Jensen started to blush under the scrutiny. He nearly laughed until he caught sight of something akin to panic in Jared’s eyes. He immediately sobered, reaching out to touch Jared’s shoulder.

"Are you Ok? Is this going too fast?"

"Yes…no…I mean," Jared exhaled a long, shaky breath. "I don’t – I don’t know what to do. I mean, I read the books, but they only tell you so much, you know, and I – "

Jensen cut off Jared’s nervous rambling with a kiss. "Jare, it’s Ok, calm down," he said softly. "There’s no rule book for gay sex. It’s just about feeling good, about making the other person feel good, too."

"Show me," Jared replied huskily, his eyes darkening with desire. "Show me what makes you feel good, Jen."

Jensen slowly nodded, licked his lips, then guided Jared’s hand to his chest, fingers brushing his nipple. Jared nodded in response, eyes locked with Jensen’s and rubbed his thumb across the small peak. Jensen sucked in a breath and his eyes went to half mast at the sensation.

Jared smiled at the response and did it again, Jensen moaning softly as the nub hardened under Jared’s touch.

"Yeah, feels good, Jare," Jensen encouraged him, rubbing a finger across Jared’s bottom lip in suggestion. "More?"

Again Jared nodded and Jensen rolled onto his back, Jared rolling with him, his long, hard body half covering Jensen’s. Jensen reached up and cupped the back of Jared’s head as the younger man leaned down. Jensen felt Jared’s warm breath on his chest right before Jared’s tongue flicked out across Jensen’s nipple.

Jensen jerked, fingers tightening in Jared’s hair. "God, yeah, do it again…"

And Jared did, laving Jensen’s sensitive nipple with his tongue, tentatively at first, then bolder, sucking gently then harder at Jensen’s groans, using his other hand to stimulate Jensen’s other nipple at the same time.

Jensen closed his eyes, holding Jared’s head to his chest as jolts of pleasure raced through his body. "Jesus, Jared," he panted, suddenly aware of Jared’s hard cock pressing up against his right leg.

Jensen covered Jared’s hand with his own, pulling gently and Jared let him guide his hand downward, across Jensen’s belly, then lower still. Jared raised his head from Jensen’s chest, locking eyes as their hands bypassed Jensen’s erect cock and instead cupped Jensen’s heavy balls. Jensen’s head went back against the pillow at the feel of Jared’s large palm holding him so intimately. His legs fell open of their own accord as their entwined hands started to move, rolling Jensen’s balls in their sac, tugging gently.

"Just – just like that," Jensen breathed, his arousal building even higher, watching as Jared turned his head to look at their hands, Jared’s mouth falling open slightly in wonder.

Jensen reached up with his other hand and buried his fingers in Jared’s long hair and the younger man turned back toward him.

"I can’t believe I’m here with you – like this," Jared said in amazement, his hand still moving between Jensen’s legs. Jensen just smiled and brought Jared’s head down for a long, deep kiss in response.

As their mouths moved against each other, Jensen slid their joined hands upward until Jared’s long fingers were fully wrapped around Jensen’s rock hard cock. Jensen whimpered into the kiss as he showed Jared how to touch him, stroke him, until his hand fell away.

Jared continued, using his thumb to brush over the crown, smearing the precome that was gathered there at the tip, then pressing against the bundle of nerves on the underside.

"Oh fuck, Jared, god," Jensen gasped, pulling back from the kiss, eyes squeezing shut. His hips bucked up into Jared’s grasp and Jared tightened his hold. Jensen sucked in a breath, feeling the familiar tingle of his orgasm start to build at the base of his spine.

It took every ounce of willpower Jensen possessed to cover Jared’s hand and still his movements.

"Ah, Jare, stop, stop," he panted. "I don’t wanna come yet, not yet."

Jared turned to smirk at Jensen, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "I was gonna make you come?"

"You smug bastard," Jensen laughed, poking Jared in the ribs. The younger man yelped and Jensen rose up, pushing against Jared’s shoulder, reversing their positions.

He straddled Jared’s thighs, taking a minute to look at the man beneath him, at the long expanse of hard muscle over smooth, flushed skin, feeling small tremors beneath the surface as he skimmed his fingers over the flat belly, in awe as well that they were here together.

Jensen bent forward, bracing his hands on either side of Jared’s wide shoulders, his mouth close to Jared’s ear. "Now I’m gonna find out what you like," he growled suggestively, determined to make Jared’s first time with a man an amazing experience. "Gonna make you fall apart, Jare…"

Jensen stole Jared’s response with his mouth, swallowing down the groan, kissing him hard and deep, until Jared was moving restlessly beneath him, hips trying to pump upwards.

Jensen broke the kiss, his mouth moving wetly from Jared’s mouth across his jaw, nipping there before moving to the long column of Jared’s neck. He licked away the salt until all he could taste was Jared, sucking hard, before moving downward again, to Jared’s bare chest.

He kissed his way from one nipple to the next, pleased with Jared’s reaction to the stimulation as he rolled the nub between his fingers before squeezing gently. Jared arched under his touch, releasing a moan, wrapping his arms around Jensen’s back and waist, trying to press Jensen closer.

Jensen went with it, dropping his hips, letting his cock slide against Jared’s once, twice.

"Jen! God, god, Jen…" Jared cried out at the sensation, trying to buck up.

"Easy, easy, I got you," Jensen soothed, his hands running down Jared’s sides, feeling the muscles jump and tremble under his fingertips.

He shifted positions, moving so that he could draw Jared’s long legs up, bent at the knee, spread wide, so that he could kneel between them. He kissed the inside of Jared’s thighs, moving closer to Jared’s erection, rock hard and leaking clear fluid onto his stomach.

Just before reaching his goal he looked up, catching the young man’s eyes. "Jare?" he questioned softly, seeking permission.

Jared nodded, swallowing. "God, yes, Jen, please…"

Jensen licked his lips, then took a moment to breathe in Jared’s unique musky scent before letting the head of Jared’s cock slide past his lips. Jared’s taste burst across his tongue and he felt his own cock throb as Jared’s hand came down heavy on the back of his head.

Jensen closed his eyes, letting Jared’s breathy moans wash over him as he began sucking and stroking Jared’s cock, swallowing down the precome, encouraging more to leak from the slit as he brushed his tongue over the head again and again.

Jared was heavy and warm in his mouth, silk and steel in his hand and Jensen knew he would never, ever be able to get enough of Jared’s taste, of Jared, period.

Jensen’s own cock was so hard it hurt, aching for release, his entire body strung tight with desire, but he pushed it down, putting Jared’s pleasure before his own, wanting, needing to see the other man fall apart first.

Jared’s breaths were coming in hitching gasps, his head moving against the pillow, eyes squeezed shut, a fine sheen of sweat at his hairline, both hands now bunched in the bed sheets.

This first time was never meant to last, barely a minute having passed before Jared was crying out, his climax upon him already, trying to warn Jensen.

"Oh fuck, oh Jen, I can’t – ah, christ, I’m gonna – ahhh, yeah!"

Then Jared’s cock was pulsing in Jensen’s mouth, releasing stream after stream of salty bitter fluid that Jensen swallowed eagerly, continuing to stroke Jared through his orgasm, the younger man shaking beneath him.

Jensen finally released Jared when his cock started to go soft, looking up to see the stain of embarrassment color Jared’s face, before the other man covered it with his arm.

"Oh god, I’m so sorry," Jared mumbled.

Jensen pulled his arm away, smirking. "Don’t be. I’m just that good," he wisecracked, winking.

Jared couldn’t help but let out a laugh. "Bitch!"

The response was automatic. "Jerk!"

They shared a smile at the familiar exchange before both of their expressions softened and Jared was reaching out a hand. "C’mere, Jen," he said softly, and Jensen went eagerly, rising up and blanketing Jared’s body with his own as Jared cupped his face and kissed him slowly, passionately, until Jensen’s hips were pumping, his cock riding the crease where Jared’s leg met his hip.

Jensen groaned into the kiss at the blessed friction, painting Jared’s sweat dampened skin with precome. God, it felt so good, he was nearly there, pushing his cock harder against Jared’s body.

But then Jared was breaking the kiss, panting out his question, his want, his need against Jensen’s mouth.

"Jen, will you…I want…I want you inside me…please…"

A new wave of lust and desire slammed into Jensen at Jared’s words, just the thought of being buried inside Jared enough to take Jensen’s breath away. But he tamped down on his reaction to look Jared seriously in the eyes.

"God, Jared, I want that, I do. But I think things are moving too fast. I don’t think you’re ready for that yet."

Jared shook his head. "I am. I mean I bought a – I’ve been using a – umm…"

Jensen watched as Jared once again blushed scarlet as he figured out the meaning behind the younger man’s words. When he did, he leered at Jared playfully.

"You sly dog, you. You bought a dildo, didn’t you?"

If it was possible, Jared turned even redder than before as he nodded. "I wanted to know how it felt."

Jensen’s leer turned smoky, visualizing Jared using the sex toy. He leaned close to Jared’s ear to breathe, "So…how did it feel?"

Jensen heard Jared swallow. "It hurt at first," he admitted. "But then…it felt good. But it was cold and plastic." He slid a hand between their bodies to wrap it around Jensen’s cock and Jensen sucked in a breath. "Not like this. This is what I want to feel inside me. I want to feel you inside me, Jen."

"God, Jared…" Jensen breathed out, his desire ratcheting up another notch at Jared’s words. "I’ll make it good for you, I swear," he promised.

"I know you will," Jared answered with a tender smile.

Then Jensen was moving, twisting his body to open the drawer in the bedside table and remove the tube of lubricant he kept there. He grabbed one of the pillows and placed it under Jared’s hips, tilting up his pelvis, as Jared lay on his back.

Jensen slicked up the fingers of his right hand and moved between Jared’s bent and spread legs. He braced his left hand on the bed, beside Jared’s shoulder as one of his slick fingers just brushed against Jared’s puckered opening. But before he went further he looked deep into Jared’s eyes.

"I want you to promise me that you’ll tell me to stop if this starts feeling uncomfortable for you, or if you just don’t want to do this anymore, anything. Because I will not hurt you, Jared."

Jared nodded, laying a hand against the side of Jensen’s face. "I promise," he replied sincerely, drawing Jensen down for a kiss as Jensen slowly pushed his finger inside Jared’s body.

Jared sucked the breath from the kiss and his head went back further into the pillow. "Oh my god…" he groaned brokenly.

Jensen prepared Jared slowly, fingering open his tight body with first one, then two, never going faster than Jared’s urging, deliberately avoiding stimulating Jared’s prostate, not wanting this to be over too quickly. Soon Jared was pushing down, trying to take Jensen’s fingers in deeper, his hands knotted in the comforter.

"Please, Jen…now, please?"

"Just one more, baby…need you stretched so I won’t hurt you," Jensen replied, sliding in a third finger.

Jared stilled at the invasion, lips pressed together, eyes closed, and Jensen felt Jared’s muscles tense. He rubbed Jared’s stomach, trying to get the other man to relax.

"It’s Ok, Jare, breathe out for me, relax…"

Jared nodded tightly and blew out a slow breath, letting his tight muscles go loose once again, relaxing back into the mattress. After another moment he nodded to Jensen and Jensen began stretching him once more, with his three fingers.

It wasn’t long before Jared was trying to spread his legs wider, pushing down again on Jensen’s fingers, panting harshly, his cock starting to lengthen and fill for a second time.

Unable to wait another moment, watching the way Jared writhed on the bed as he finger fucked him, hearing the sounds pouring from Jared’s mouth, wanting more, now, Jensen slid his fingers from Jared’s body.

Jared moaned at the loss as Jensen quickly slicked up his cock with shaking hands then placed the head at Jared’s entrance. He watched in fascination as Jared’s body opened for his cock, drawing him in, as he slowly pushed forward, past the ring of muscle, the head finally disappearing inside Jared.

Jensen gasped as Jared’s body gripped him in tight, wet heat, hearing an answering gasp from Jared before the younger man was gripping his shoulder.

"Don’t stop – oh god, Jen, please don’t stop," he begged, voice high and tight, tipping his pelvis up higher.

Jensen didn’t need any further encouragement, guiding his cock slowly but steadily inside of Jared until his groin was flush against Jared’s balls and both men were trembling.

Jensen felt as if all of the air had been sucked out of the room as he looked down into Jared’s wide hazel eyes, drowning in the love he saw shining out, and surrounded by Jared so intimately.

"Tell me," Jensen said, voice shaky, "Tell me how it feels…"

"God, Jen, it’s…I feel so full…you feel so good in me…"

Jensen smiled at the thinly veiled wonder in Jared’s words. "It only gets better," he told Jared, then began to move.

Jared’s head tipped back, his mouth dropping open as Jensen slid nearly all the way out of the younger man’s body, until just the head of his cock remained inside, before smoothly sliding back in, in one motion.

"Oh fuck, Jare, Jesus…" he rambled as electric jolts of pleasure raced through his body, coalescing in his cock, as he pumped in and out of Jared.

Jared’s hands were locked on Jensen’s upper arms, his gaze never leaving Jensen’s, letting Jensen watch as he began to come apart underneath him, a constant stream of incoherent words and moans falling unheeded from Jared’s throat.

Jensen’s arms, braced on either side of the taller man, began to shake as Jared wrapped his long legs around Jensen’s waist, the heel of one foot pressing into Jensen’s lower back. This changed Jensen’s angle of penetration just enough so that on the next thrust the head of his cock pressed against Jared’s prostate.

Jared jerked as if he’d been shot, as the hidden bundle of nerves was stimulated and he cried out sharply, fingers digging into Jensen’s arms.

"Jen! Oh, christ, do that again!"

He tipped his hips up on Jensen’s next thrust and Jensen pressed in, hitting that spot once again and Jared gave another sharp cry.

"Harder, Jen, please!" he begged, voice hoarse with need.

Jensen snapped his hips forward, feeling his orgasm begin to build deep inside, in his gut, in the base of his spine, in his balls, at the same time feeling Jared’s hard cock trapped between their bodies.

"I’m almost there, Jare…oh god, I’m gonna come…" he ground out, his rhythm starting to falter, but wanting desperately to bring Jared to his second climax first.

"Yeahyeah, do it," the words tumbled from Jared’s mouth, raw and broken. "Ahh, god, deeper…make me come, Jen, make me come…"

Jensen gave one last hard thrust, pushing in impossibly farther, releasing a sob as his orgasm swept through him like a tidal wave, his cock throbbing, coming in long pulses inside Jared, as white spots exploded across his vision, feeling the hot splash of Jared’s come against his stomach.

His arms gave out as the last of the spasms subsided, collapsing onto Jared’s chest, feeling the younger man’s arms come around him, holding him through the aftershocks of his intense climax.

It was long moments later, after their hearts had slowed their pounding and their breathing had returned to normal, that Jensen had the energy to move. He started to shift in Jared’s embrace, to slide his softening cock from his lover’s body, but Jared’s arms tightened around him.

"Do you have to?" he murmured against the top of Jensen’s head, voice groggy and fucked out.

Jensen smiled against Jared’s chest, and settled back down against him.

~~~~~

They finally did rouse themselves quite awhile later before they fell asleep and became permanently glued together, cleaning up and then crawling under the covers together, arms and legs tangled, Jared’s head on Jensen’s chest.

Jared’s fingers played over Jensen’s skin, drawing aimless patterns as Jensen idly ran his own through Jared’s long hair, both men sated and relaxed. The moment was perfect – quiet and perfect and Jensen didn’t want to break the spell, but the thought laying heavily on his mind needed to get out.

"I never meant to come between you and Sandy," he whispered. "I thought I was hiding my feelings – "

Jared shifted, sitting up at Jensen’s words. "Jen, don’t," he said firmly. "If Sandy was truly the one for me, if we were meant to be together, then this," he gestured between them, "would never have happened. You’ve got nothing to be blaming yourself for, Ok?" Then he smiled tenderly. "As for your feelings – Jen, you’re the most private person I’ve ever known. You keep walls around yourself so that people never really get to know you too well. But sometimes, just sometimes, you let people behind those walls. I can count the ones I know on one hand – Chris, Steve, Jason…and me."

Jared laid his hand on Jensen’s leg, thumb brushing against the skin. "I feel so damn lucky that you let me in, that you let me see all of you. But the thing about letting people in, is that it’s damn hard to push them out once they’re there."

Jared moved his hand, laying it on the side of Jensen’s face. "I saw it in your eyes, Jen," he said softly. "I know you too well now and I realized that something had changed, and that you were trying to hide it."

Jared let his hand fall back down to Jensen’s leg. "I saw what you were doing with Dean, letting your emotions out through him, toward Sam, but it was really toward me."

"I guess I’m not that good of an actor, huh?" Jensen replied quietly.

But Jared shook his head. "You’re an amazing actor, Jen. And I never would’ve picked up on it if I hadn’t been feeling the same way, if I hadn’t let myself acknowledge that what I was feeling toward you had moved from friendship to something…deeper. Especially after we filmed Children."

Jensen cocked his head to the side in a silent question.

"Remember the final scene?" Jared asked.

Jensen nodded. "Yeah, I was kinda messed up after that."

"You were. And I’d never seen you like that. The way you just walked off down the road…I didn’t know if you’d let me near you, but I was worried about you – "

"I’m glad you came after me," Jensen interjected, reaching out to interlace his fingers with Jared. "You helped calm me down."

"God, Jen, you were shaking. And when I put my arm around you and you just kinda sagged against me…that was it. That was the moment for me, when you looked up at me, tears still in your eyes and all I wanted to do was pull you closer and kiss you and never let you go."

Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand. "I did some hard thinking after that, confused as hell as to what was going on with me. I was attracted to you, I couldn’t deny that any longer, as much as it scared me, and I was pretty damn sure you felt the same toward me." Jared took a breath. "And then our kiss at the Christmas party…" He trailed off, looking away from Jensen for a moment.

"Jen…I knew the mistletoe was there," he confessed. "I’d seen it earlier and I deliberately stopped us underneath it, hoping someone would notice. I’m sorry," he apologized. "I didn’t mean to lure you into anything, but I just had to know if you really did have feelings for me or if I was misreading things. I was feeling so lost and confused, getting ready to break up with Sandy, to leave the safety and security of that relationship for a chance of one with you. So kissing you was the only thing I could think of, to know how you were really feeling." Jared swallowed. "And god, Jen…I nearly stopped breathing when you kissed me back. And that sound you made…it went straight through me."

"The way you took off, I thought you were pissed at me, or disgusted…"

Jared shook his head. "I’m sorry I left you standing there like that. It just hit me like a ton of bricks – I knew you wanted me, too, now and the ball was in my court. And I just freaked out. Kissing you felt so good, so right, but…"

"But were you really ready to change your whole life to get involved with a guy?" Jensen finished for him.

Jared nodded. "Yeah, exactly. I had a big damn decision to make and I panicked."

"It’s Ok, Jare, I understand. I’ve been there. It’s not an easy thing to do, to take that first step."

"I’m glad we ran into each other at the Factory that morning, the way you told me to tell whoever it was how I was feeling because the other person might not be brave enough – it was all right there in your eyes, Jen. And that decided it for me right then and there. I knew I had to be the one to make the first move, and I was ready for it. So I called Todd the next day and well, you know the rest now. Again, Jen, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"It’s all right, Jare," Jensen reassured him. "Things might not have gone quite the way you wanted them to, but we’re here now, finally, and really, that’s all that matters."

Jared leaned in and murmured against Jensen’s mouth, "I love you," before claiming his lips for a soft, languid kiss.

Jared sank down against Jensen as their mouths continued to move slowly against one another, hands gliding along bare skin, soothing, as the kiss went on and on.

When they finally parted, Jensen felt dazed, boneless, a lump of pure emotion caught in his throat as he looked up and saw the same expression mirrored on Jared’s face.

"I still can’t believe this is happening," Jensen whispered. "I’m so afraid this is another of my dreams and I’m going to wake up and you’ll be gone."

Jared smiled tenderly at Jensen, put one hand over Jensen’s heart. "This is no dream, Jen," he said softly, leaning in for another kiss. "This is as real as it gets."

THE END

Comments

[agt-spooky.livejournal.com]

YAY! You liked it! I was very nervous, hoping that I'd written something that went along with your "wish list". I'm so happy to know that I got it right on the money. :-)

Thanks again for bidding on me - this was a pleasure to write for you. *g*