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agt_spookyTitle: No More Running
Author: agt_spooky
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 7,493
Genre: Angst, First-time
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: It's RPS people. It never happened, but I wish it would!
Author's Notes: This one goes out to my best friend and the person with whom I share a brain cell, on the occasion of her birthday today - charityflint. This one's for you, babe!
Summary: Jared wants to run, but Jensen won't let him.
No More Running
By AgtSpooky
January 29, 2007
The door to Jensen’s trailer flew open, banging against the outside wall, and Jared strode angrily down the stairs.
"Jared!"
Jared whirled around at Jensen’s voice, mouth set in a tight line.
"You can’t keep running from this, Jared," Jensen told him forcefully. "It happened and we – "
"Just…let it go, Jensen! There’s nothing to talk about," Jared shot back, spinning around and marching away.
"Like hell there’s not!" Jensen yelled after Jared’s retreating form.
Jensen watched Jared turn the corner at the next trailer and disappear out of sight before grabbing his door and slamming it shut.
"Son of a bitch," he swore, flinging himself down onto his couch, burying his face in his hands. How the fuck did this all go so wrong?
He sighed and let his head fall back against the cushions, eyes closed. It’d been a week since things went haywire between Jared and him. Since the night Jared came over to hang out, and…it happened.
The night had started off normally enough – pizza, pop, video games and two best friends, just enjoying the Sunday evening together. They were sitting on the couch, a normal distance apart from one another, but as the video games grew more heated, with yelling and laughter and both of them jumping up and down, they were soon sitting right up against each other, bumping shoulders and knocking knees.
Jensen was about to win the last game, pummeling Jared’s video alter ego into the dirt when the younger man suddenly threw his controller onto the floor and launched himself at Jensen, laughing.
Jensen let out an undignified squeak at Jared’s surprise move, his own controller tumbling to the carpet as Jared’s long fingers found the one ticklish spot Jensen had, on the side of his ribs.
Jared pressed Jensen sideways down onto the couch, his tall body covering Jensen’s smaller one, fingers poking into Jensen’s side, drawing peals of uncontrolled laughter from Jensen.
"Che – cheater!" Jensen gasped, laughing, trying to squirm out from under Jared’s heavier body and away from the tickling.
But Jared was having none of it, his own face red from laughter, and brought his body down harder on top of Jensen’s, bringing their faces within inches of each other.
And in the blink of an eye, everything went…still.
For a heartbeat, neither of them moved, as the playful moment suddenly changed into something…intimate. Jensen’s heart thudded against his chest as he looked up into Jared’s hazel eyes, gone suddenly soft. He saw Jared swallow, then drew in a breath as Jared’s fingers slipped beneath his t-shirt, caressing now, warm against his bare skin.
The hazel eyes turned questioning, and Jensen felt himself slowly nod, his own fingers winding into the fabric of Jared’s shirt.
And then…and then Jared was leaning down, closing the gap, and all Jensen remembered thinking was, Finally. God, finally, as their lips touched.
The kiss was soft and warm and just…perfect.
It went on for long moments, gentle slide of their tongues against one another’s, neither pushing to go faster, take things further, content to just…kiss.
When they finally moved apart Jensen opened his eyes slowly, his body feeling pleasantly heavy. He smiled lazily up at Jared, his hand moving to cup the side of Jared’s face, his thumb sweeping over Jared’s bottom lip, shiny with moisture.
"Hey," he breathed.
"Hey," Jared replied back, his voice shaky, something flitting across his eyes too quickly for Jensen to identify.
And maybe…maybe if he’d just questioned Jared then, about the shadow he thought he saw in his eyes, all of this could’ve been avoided.
But no, too wrapped up in his own happiness, he said nothing when Jared left a few hours later, kissing Jensen quickly on his forehead.
It started the next day on set, with Jared finding any kind of reason to not be around Jensen when they weren’t filming. Hurt and confused, Jensen tried numerous times to talk to Jared, only to be brushed off.
Things spiraled rapidly downward as the week went on, with Jared distancing himself more and more from Jensen, and Jensen’s hurt turned to anger.
What the hell was going on? There had been…something between Jared and him from the moment they met, when Jared’s hand engulfed his and a jolt raced through his body.
"Hey, I’m Jared. Nice to meet you."
"Jensen. Looking forward to working with you, man."
For two years they’d danced around each other, touches lingering just a bit too long, finding any excuse to get together after work, arms around one another for every photo, personal space ceased to have any meaning between them…
He knew he wasn’t imagining things. Jared instigated the after work get togethers as much as he did, he caught Jared staring at him as much as he did his own staring at the younger man.
No. The feelings were mutual and the proof was in that kiss. The dancing had stopped, but apparently so had the music.
Jensen sighed and rubbed the heels of his hands across his eyelids, rousing himself from his musings. But things were no clearer now than they’d been in the ten minutes since Jared had stormed out of here after another aborted attempt to talk to him.
Damn him. Jensen felt his anger rise again. Enough was enough. Jared was going to tell him what the hell was scaring him so bad that he was ending things before they even had a chance to start, if Jensen had to tie him to a chair.
Snagging Dean’s jacket from the couch, Jensen slipped into it before heading out of his trailer and making his way toward the set, where he was due in five minutes.
~~~~~~~
In retrospect, it probably wasn’t a good idea to be filming a scene where Jared and he needed to be in physical contact with each other after just having had an argument. It was destined not to go well.
The stunt was supposed to be an easy one. Jared was to run into the room, make a sharp left, spy the "creature" about to take off Dean’s head, run straight forward and tackle Jensen around his waist. Jensen would land on his back, Jared on his side next to him, arm around his waist. He and Jared had practiced it a half dozen times last week, when filming for this episode had started. But that was before all this went down between them, before they were uncomfortable around one another and anger and hurt surrounded them.
They’d both been off their game this week, unable to concentrate with all of this hanging over their heads, and it showed on the dailies. Bob Singer was directing this one and he’d already spoken to them both, told them to work it out and get their shit together.
But so far it wasn’t working and here they were, trying to get through another day of filming. Sam and Dean were supposed to be breaking into this house, at night, so were dressed in dark clothing. They didn’t really ever wear black on Supernatural, so Jensen was wearing Dean’s dark, navy blue jacket and Jared had on a chocolate brown hoodie.
Jensen took his mark on the set, made up to look like a living room. He took a deep breath and blew it out, rolling his shoulders and neck, pushing thoughts of Jared from his mind. Ok, let’s do this.
"Rolling!"
Jensen heard Bob’s voice and he turned his body slightly to the right, where the "creature" would be added in later.
"And…action!"
Jensen had no more than reacted appropriately to what was supposed to be an axe swinging down at his head when Jared barreled through the doorway. Jensen turned, as he was supposed to do, and immediately saw that Jared was going to miss his mark, coming at him at an angle instead of straight on. Jensen opened his mouth and tried to move, but Jared’s long legs had him across the room in seconds.
Jared’s arm hooked around his waist and they went down, hard, sideways, with Jensen crashing into a prop table. The table collapsed under their combined weight, breaking into pieces, and pain lanced through Jensen’s back and down his arm as he felt a jagged piece of wood puncture his skin, and he gasped as he hit the floor.
"Cut! Cut!"
Bob’s voice was yelling in the background as Jensen tried to catch his breath, Jared’s full weight resting on top of him, pieces of the table and lamp on their clothing and scattered around them. Jensen was pushing against Jared and the younger man moved, taking his weight off of Jensen. Jared’s eyes were wide as he rolled away and stood up.
"God, Jen, I’m so sorry," Jared apologized, offering a hand down to Jensen.
But Jensen swatted it away angrily. "God dammit," he swore, getting to his feet, keeping his right arm close to his body. He pushed at Jared’s chest with his left hand. "Get your mind in the fucking game and pay attention!"
Jared’s eyes flashed and his jaw clenched, but before he could say anything Bob was standing there next to them.
"You both Ok?"
"Fine," Jensen snapped and Jared gave a sharp nod of his head.
"Well you were off your marks for camera A to catch it, but camera B got the whole thing, and I’ve got to say, it looked a lot better than what we’d had planned."
"Are we done, then?" Jensen asked tightly.
"Yeah, we’re good," Bob answered, and Jensen turned abruptly away from the two men and strode off the set, no one noticing the dark smear on the floor amongst the wreckage of the table or how well it blended into the dark fabric of Jensen’s jacket.
~~~~~~~
Once outside, on the way to his trailer, Jensen let go of the groan of pain he’d been holding in, his left arm holding his upper right arm, his shoulder on fire. With the way things stood now between Jared and him, he wasn’t about to let Jared know that he’d hurt him, show any weakness.
Though on second thought, maybe he should’ve. Lay on some guilt. See what you did you jackass, because you’re so damn distracted by what’s going on with us you’re not watching what you’re doing.
Jensen sighed. Whatever. Too late now. He could feel the blood on his back and all he wanted to do was get to his trailer and patch himself up.
Inside, he closed the door behind him, never realizing that he didn’t push the latch in far enough to lock it.
He stood at the counter that separated the living room area from the small kitchen, letting the jacket slip off his shoulders and pool on the floor at his feet. Now for the tough part, getting his t-shirt off. Jensen gritted his teeth and pulled the shirt up over his head, a muttered Fuck escaping his lips as his shoulder protested the movement.
He held the shirt in his left hand and grimaced at the amount of blood on the back of it, before letting it drop to the floor. Damn, the edge of that table must’ve punctured him deep. He leaned heavily against the counter, his left arm supporting him, head hanging a bit, getting ready to go into the bathroom when the door to the trailer opened quickly.
Startled, thinking that the door had been locked, Jensen turned his head sharply, to see Jared walk inside.
"Jen, I’m really – " Jared cut himself off and Jensen could see his eyes take in Jensen’s current state.
"Jesus, Jensen!" Jared exclaimed, walking toward him.
Jensen turned, facing Jared. "I’m fine – "
"The hell you are!"
Bob picked that moment to stick his head inside the trailer. "Hey, guys, we need –"
"Jensen’s hurt," Jared cut in sharply, moving past Jensen into the kitchen.
"What?" Bob stepped inside, his gaze falling on the bloody shirt on the floor. "Turn around, let me see," he ordered Jensen.
"Christ, Jensen, why didn’t you say something?" Jared asked from the kitchen.
"I didn’t think it was that serious," Jensen muttered.
"Well you thought wrong," Bob answered. "This is deep and bleeding pretty damn bad. You’re going to need stitches."
Jared appeared back at Jensen’s side with a towel and Bob nodded to the younger man. "Good. Keep pressure on it while I go get my car." Then he was gone, striding quickly from the trailer.
Jensen hissed when Jared pressed the cloth to his back and Jared mumbled, "Sorry, sorry," in apology, before shaking his head. "I can’t believe you didn’t say you were hurt. You’re such an idiot, Jensen."
Jensen jerked his head to try and look over his shoulder at Jared. "I don’t think we really want to get into who’s being an idiot, now do we?" he asked, voice flat, his double meaning clear.
Jared compressed his lips and was saved from answering when the two men heard Bob’s car pull up outside. Wordlessly they made their way out of the trailer, with Jared staying behind Jensen, keeping the towel in place, and got into the car.
The trip to the ER was quick, and silent, Jensen thankful that he had to keep his back to Jared during the ride. Bob dropped them off out front and went to park the car while they went inside to get Jensen checked in.
"Nurse." Jared got the attention of a young blonde woman in a white uniform. "My friend here needs some help."
She nodded and came over to them, motioning for Jared to lift up the towel. "Can you tell me what happened?"
"I fell into a table," Jensen answered. "Caught the edge of it."
"Yes, indeed you did," she replied. "Ok, please follow me to an exam room and we’ll get your information and get you fixed up."
She led them down a hallway to a room marked Exam 4 and motioned for them to go in. "I’ll alert the doctor you’re here and get the paperwork."
Jensen walked over to the exam table, Jared still behind him, and lifted himself awkwardly onto it, grimacing, trying not to use his right arm. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was tired, he hurt and all he wanted to do was go home and get some sleep.
Jared was a warm presence beside him, still holding the towel, and Jensen desperately wished things hadn’t taken this wrong turn with them. Wished he could lean into Jared’s strong body and close his eyes…
The door to the exam room opened and the nurse walked in with a clipboard, the doctor following behind, pulling on a pair of rubber gloves. The tall, grey-haired man in his late 50’s walked up to Jensen.
"I’m Doctor Garett."
"Jensen Ackles," Jensen replied.
Dr. Garett cocked his head to the side. "I thought I recognized you. My daughter’s a big fan of your show."
Jensen gave him a small smile as Dr. Garett moved to his side, where Jared was standing. He motioned for the younger man to move away, placing his hand on the towel. Jared relinquished his hold and walked over to stand next to the nurse, who raised up the clipboard, pen in hand.
"I just need to get some information from you, Mr. Ackles," she began.
"I’ll take care of it," Jared spoke up. "Just…get yourself fixed up, Ok?"
Jensen nodded and Jared started answering the nurse’s questions, never taking his eyes off Jensen.
"So," Dr. Garett started, pulling the towel away from Jensen’s back and Jensen twitched as the strands of fabric caught on the dried blood. "Did you get this while filming today?"
"Yeah. Fell into a table and it broke."
Dr. Garett gently probed the area around Jensen’s wound, next to his shoulder blade, and Jensen clenched his jaw, saw Jared’s eyes briefly flit away from his, down to the floor.
"Well, you’re definitely going to need stitches. Looks like you’ve got a couple of splinters, too." Dr. Garett backed away from Jensen slightly. "Ok, if you’ll lay down on your stomach for me, keep your right arm straight against your body."
Jensen nodded and started to arrange himself on the table as Dr. Garett looked toward the nurse and Jared.
"Nurse?"
"Yes, Doctor?"
"Pull out the suture tray for me, please."
She moved away from Jared, pulling items out of drawers as Dr. Garett turned on a bright light over Jensen’s shoulder then pulled up a stool to sit on. The nurse rolled a tray over then stood next to Dr. Garett.
The doctor picked up a large syringe filled with saline and placed the plastic cap over Jensen’s wound.
"This might sting a little," he told Jensen. "I need to irrigate it first, and get out the splinters before I can sew you up."
As the warm liquid flushed into the wound Jensen sucked in a breath. Damn straight it stings! Jared was still staring at him, and Jensen saw his eyes go soft at Jensen’s discomfort.
Jensen could feel the nurse blotting up the liquid from his skin, now tinged pink, as it ran over his shoulder and down his back.
Dr. Garett set the empty syringe aside on the tray and picked up a long pair of tweezers, bringing the light down closer.
"I only see two," he told Jensen, and Jensen felt two little pulls a moment later.
Setting down the tweezers, Dr. Garett picked up a pad of gauze to blot away the blood, put that down then picked up another syringe.
"I’m going to numb the area around the tear first," he explained, and Jensen’s jaw clenched at the series of needle pricks, saw Jared’s fingers flex into a fist, open and close, with each one, digging his nails into his palm. His eyes still spoke of apology to Jensen.
Jensen sighed as Dr. Garett laid the syringe back on the tray, wishing this was over with already. "All right, let’s just give that a minute," the doctor said, picking up the needle and threading it with the thin, black fiber.
His skin wasn’t completely numb yet, and Jensen felt the needle slide into his skin, pulling the thread with it, and the fingers of his left hand clenched around the edge of the table as he grimaced at the pain. Jared took a stutter step forward, his hand starting to reach out, but then stopped himself, shoving his hand deep into the pocket of Sam’s hoodie. He dipped his head and looked away from Jensen.
Jensen closed his eyes, feeling the pull-pull-pull of the needle and thread, the pain lessening as the numbness kicked in, opening them only when he heard the snick of the scissors severing the fiber.
"All done, Mr. Ackles," Dr. Garett said, as he taped a square pad of gauze onto Jensen’s skin, then the nurse was there, cleaning off any remaining blood on his back and shoulder.
"Ok, you can sit up now," she said.
Jensen groaned a bit as he levered himself back up into a sitting position. Dr. Garett removed his gloves, tossed them into a container, then pulled out a prescription pad from the pocket of his lab coat.
"I’m writing you a prescription for an antibiotic ointment that you can apply starting in the morning, and another which is a combination pain killer and muscle relaxant," he told Jensen. "You got your shoulder pretty good. This will help you get some sleep tonight, and tomorrow if you need it. It may make you nauseous, though." He held the pieces of paper out to Jensen, but Jared stepped forward and took them.
"I’ll take care of it," Jared said. "Get them filled for him."
Dr. Garett nodded. "There’s a pharmacy downstairs," he told Jared, then looked back at Jensen. "Don’t get the area wet for 24 hours. If you start running a fever, come back in so we can check for infection. Otherwise we’ll see you in five days to have the stitches removed."
He stood, saying, "The nurse will be back in a minute with some paperwork for you to sign then you’re free to go."
"Thanks, doc," Jensen said as Dr. Garett and the nurse walked out of the room.
Jensen blew out a breath. God, he was exhausted. He ran a hand over his face, feeling himself shiver, goosebumps rising on his skin, just now realizing how chilly it was in the room, and him with no shirt.
Jared must’ve seen, for he was across the room in two strides, unzipping Sam’s hoodie.
"Oh, man, here, take this," he told Jensen, carefully draping the sweatshirt over Jensen’s shoulders, and Jensen was immediately enveloped in Jared. His body heat, his smell, everything. His heart twinged and his eyes must’ve given away what he was thinking, feeling, for Jared backed away, eyes on the floor again.
"I’ll just…" He flicked a thumb over his shoulder, still not meeting Jensen’s eyes. "I’ll go get your prescriptions filled," he mumbled, turning and leaving the room.
Jensen just nodded his head, not having the energy to deal with all of this between Jared and him right now, and slowly slipped his arms into the sleeves of the hoodie and zipped it up. He felt the pull of the stitches and knew that while he felt Ok right now, he’d be hurting when the local anesthetic wore off.
The nurse took longer than he’d thought, and just as she was leaving Jared arrived, a white paper bag in his hand.
"I saw Bob out in the waiting room," he told Jensen. "He’s going to bring the car up to the doors."
Jensen nodded. "Yeah, Ok," he replied, getting down off the exam table, then followed Jared out of the room and to the front doors of the ER, where Bob was indeed waiting.
"How you feeling, Jen?" Bob asked as Jensen got in the backseat, and Jensen was surprised when Jared did the same.
"Tired and sore," Jensen admitted, arranging himself on the seat so that his back wasn’t pressed against it.
"Let’s get you home then," the older man said, pulling away from the curb.
~~~~~
Fifteen minutes later they were in front of Jensen’s rented townhouse.
"You stay home and get some rest tomorrow," Bob told Jensen as he was reaching for the door handle.
"Will do," Jensen replied. "Thanks for driving me around tonight."
"No problem," Bob answered Jensen then turned to look at Jared. "Want me to run you back to the studio to get your truck or take you to your – "
"No, that’s Ok," Jared interrupted him. "I’m gonna stay here awhile."
Jensen turned his head sharply at Jared’s words, could see Jared’s eyes silently pleading with Jensen to not turn him down.
Jensen bit his lip, nearly saying no, but ended up saying, "Sure, yeah," before climbing out of the car.
Once inside the townhouse, Jensen turned to face Jared, irritation coloring his voice.
"I’m in no mood to talk, Jared. So if that’s why you wanted to come in you can just call a cab."
Jared shook his head. "No. I mean, yeah, I mean," he stumbled over his words, blew out a breath. "I just wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean for you to get hurt," he said quietly, sincerely.
"I know you didn’t, but dammit, Jared…" Jensen ran his left hand through his hair. "No. No I’m not doing this now." He reached out and took the bag from Jared’s hands. "I’m going to bed. Do whatever you want." Then he turned and walked down the hallway toward his room, leaving Jared standing in the living room.
~~~~~~
Jensen sank down onto his bed, setting the bag beside him, then untied and toed off Dean’s boots. The jeans were next, left in a heap on the floor next to the discarded boots. He reached for the zipper of the hoodie, but then let his hand drop, rubbing the material of the cuff between his fingers. A few moments later he opened the bag and took out the little bottle of pills, opened it and shook one out into his hand. The anesthetic was definitely wearing off now and his shoulder was starting to throb. He swallowed the pill dry, tossed the bag and bottle onto his nightstand and curled up under the covers, laying on his left side.
He turned his head slightly, pressed his nose against the fabric of the hoodie and breathed in Jared’s scent, letting it carry him off to sleep.
~~~~~~
Jensen woke hours later to the violent rolling of his stomach, a reminder of Dr. Garett’s warning.
"Oh shit," he swore, untangling himself as quickly as he could from the blankets, stumbling blindly out of his room across the hall to the bathroom.
He barely made it to the toilet, going down on his knees, before he emptied the contents of his stomach into the bowl. His stomach muscles contracted again and again, his knuckles white on the edge of the toilet seat.
Over his retching he was dimly aware of footsteps pounding down the hall and suddenly Jared was there, kneeling down beside him. Jensen coughed, gagging, nothing but dry heaves now, but he couldn’t seem to stop, stomach muscles clenching painfully, bringing nothing up.
Jared moved closer, slipped a large, warm hand underneath the hoodie, rubbing soothing circles on Jensen’s stomach, his other hand on Jensen’s left shoulder.
"Shhh, Jen," he softly. "Calm down, you gotta relax…c’mon, just breathe…"
And slowly the spasms subsided, with Jensen able to relax and take full breaths. He slumped back on his heels, sweating, feeling shaky all over.
"Here, hang on," Jared said quietly, moving away, standing up, and Jensen immediately missed the warmth of Jared’s hand on his stomach.
Jensen heard water running then Jared was back on the floor next to him, placing a cool washcloth across the back of his neck, handing him a glass of water.
He raised the glass to his lips with an unsteady hand, swished the water around in his mouth then spit into the toilet. Jared took the glass from him and pressed down gently on the washcloth. Jensen closed his eyes, the cool cloth a welcome sensation.
They sat like that for a moment more and then Jared’s hand was on Jensen’s elbow.
"C’mon. Let’s get you back to bed."
Jensen could only nod and let Jared help him up and back to his bedroom, the younger man tossing the washcloth in the sink on their way out.
Jensen laid down carefully on the mattress, on his left side again, shivering slightly, and wrapped his arms around himself as Jared pulled the blankets up over him.
"I feel like shit," he mumbled, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on.
Jared’s hand cupped the side of his head, thumb rubbing gently on Jensen’s temple. "I know, Jen, I know. I’m so sorry…"
Wiped out, Jensen didn’t have the energy to ask Jared why he was still here, the pull of sleep too great as he gave in and let his eyes slide shut.
~~~~~~
In the very early morning hours Jensen woke again, his eyes blinking open, catching sight of the glowing red numbers of his bedside clock – 2:14 am. And next to the clock was a large glass of water. Jensen reached for it gratefully, thankful for Jared’s thoughtfulness as he drained it, washing away the sour taste in his mouth.
Then he nearly dropped the glass when he saw the large, dark form next to his bed. It was Jared, who had apparently brought in a chair from the dining room and was currently sleeping in it, next to Jensen’s bed.
Jared’s tall frame was slouched uncomfortably in the hard, straight-backed chair, legs akimbo, one arm hanging straight down, the other on his lap. His neck was bent to the side, head drooping, chin nearly on his chest.
Jensen sighed, placing the glass back on the bedside table. He reached over, touching Jared’s knee, squeezing slightly, and the younger man stirred, raising his head with a grimace.
"Hmmm?" he mumbled as his eyes opened, then suddenly sat up straight. "Jen? What is it? Are you gonna be sick?"
Jensen shook his head then scooted over on the mattress, a silent invitation.
But Jared hesitated. "Are you sure?"
"You can’t sleep in the chair," Jensen said, voice sleep-rough.
Jared finally nodded and pulled off his shoes, slipping under the covers next to Jensen, fully dressed, facing him.
They looked at one another for long moments until Jensen finally glanced away, closing his eyes, falling back asleep to the sensation of Jared’s warm breath ghosting over his skin.
~~~~~~
The next time Jensen woke it was full on morning, the sun peeking in around the edges of his bedroom curtains and under his eyelids. His eyes fluttered open to find Jared already awake, looking intently at him with hazel eyes.
"You didn’t have to stay last night," Jensen said quietly.
Jared nodded. "I know. I wanted to. Wanted to make sure you were gonna be Ok."
"Thanks. I’m…glad you were here," Jensen admitted.
Jared’s eyes flitted away, came back. "How’re you feeling?"
Jensen drew in a breath and slowly blew it out. "Better."
Jared nodded again. "Good," he replied, then started to roll away, getting off the bed.
But Jensen’s right arm shot out, felt his shoulder protest the sudden movement, fingers tangling in the front of Jared’s shirt, yanking, stopping the younger man.
"No," Jensen said fiercely. "I’m not letting you run away again. You owe me an explanation goddammit."
A pained expression came over Jared’s handsome features. "Jen," he protested weakly.
Jensen pulled on Jared’s shirt again. "No. You kissed me, Jared. We both liked it. We both wanted it. And now you don’t want to be anywhere near me. Why?" Jensen finished, hating the way his voice broke on the last word.
Jared looked down to where Jensen’s hand was gripping his shirt, then back up with such a forlorn expression that Jensen wanted to reach out and pull him close.
"I’m sorry," Jared finally got out, voice thick. "I never meant to hurt you."
"You did," Jensen said, not trying to keep the hurt out of his voice, and Jared seemed to deflate before his eyes. "Now tell me why."
Jared took a breath then started. "I need you to know that I’m not doing this because I think that it won’t work between us, or that it’ll go bad and ruin our friendship."
Jensen shook his head. "I don’t understand. Then why?"
"Jen, we’re not just two regular guys, working at…Starbucks or something, just living our lives. If we were, I’d tell my family and friends that I was in love with you in a heartbeat."
Jensen blinked at Jared’s words as the younger man continued.
"But we’re actors, living under a microscope." Jared ran a hand through his shaggy hair. "And we’re finally getting noticed, Jen! We’re not guest stars on someone else’s show anymore. This time we’re the stars. People know our names now, we give TV interviews and our faces are in magazines – "
"Jared," Jensen interrupted. "Where are you going with all this?"
Jared blew out a breath. "After we…kissed the other night it just hit me all of a sudden. Jen, if we started something and people found out…it could hurt us and the show. We could ruin our careers just as they’re really getting started, what we’ve worked so hard for. The interviews wouldn’t be about ‘what’s coming next on Supernatural’, but ‘Jared and Jensen are gay!’" He paused. "I mean for god’s sake, Jen, we play brothers."
At that Jensen couldn’t hold back a bark of laughter, cut off sharply at the dark look Jared gave him.
"You think this is funny, Jen?"
Jensen shook his head, sobered. "No, Jare, I’m sorry, I don’t. But I thought you were Mr. Internet, going and voting for yourself in those stupid polls and all that."
Jared’s face turned pink. "Yeah, well, I may have exaggerated that a bit," he admitted.
"Well I’m glad one of us at least pays attention to what our fan base is talking about."
"What do you mean?"
Jensen gave Jared a smile. "Trust me when I say that if people found out we were in a relationship the majority of our fans would throw a party. And one for Sam and Dean as well," he smirked.
Jared’s jaw dropped. "Wha-?"
Jensen chuckled at Jared’s expression. "It’s true, man. Most everyone thinks that we’re already dating. Not to mention what they think Sam and Dean get up to," he winked. Then he turned serious. "And it hasn’t impacted the show, has it? People suspect, especially since you and Sandy called it quits, but no one’s even hinted about it in any of our interviews, and no one we know treats us any differently."
He tugged on Jared’s shirt. "I think you’re worried for nothing. And I think this, us, is worth taking a chance on." Jensen looked deep into Jared’s eyes. "Can you look at me right now and tell me you don’t want this?"
Jared held his gaze for only a few seconds, before looking away. "You know I can’t," he breathed.
Jensen reached out, turned Jared’s face toward him once again. "Then don’t stop it before we’ve even really started. Please, Jared."
Jared sighed, leaned into Jensen’s touch. "I want this with you, Jen, I do. But I’m scared."
"Yeah. Yeah, I know you are." Jensen rubbed his thumb on Jared’s cheek. "If it were up to me I’d be shouting this from the roof, that I love you. But I’m willing to take this at your pace, whatever you feel comfortable with, whatever you want to show people."
"You’d do that?"
"Yeah, I would. That’s how much I want this to work."
Jared nodded, a small smile gracing his face. "Slow, then?"
"No more running, then?" Jensen countered.
Jared smiled; really smiled this time. "No more running."
Then Jensen was smiling, too, leaning toward the younger man, and Jared met him halfway, their mouths finding one another’s, kissing softly.
Jensen felt Jared sigh and his long body relaxed into Jensen’s, mouth opening, tongue sweeping across Jensen’s lower lip. Jensen hummed in the back of his throat and parted his lips eagerly.
The kiss quickly grew in intensity, mouths parting and coming back together again and again, the velvet slide of their tongues driving Jensen higher and higher, the blood thrumming in his veins, his heart pounding.
Panting, they broke apart, Jared’s mouth finding the smooth column of Jensen’s neck and Jensen shivered at the wet kisses. He shifted, pressed closer to Jared, felt the younger man’s hand clutch at his waist, bunching in the material of the hoodie. Jensen felt himself lengthen and harden inside his boxers, felt an answering hardness at Jared’s groin before Jared was sliding a leg between Jensen’s.
Jensen groaned deep and thrust against Jared’s thigh, ignoring the pain in his back as his right hand tried to get under Jared’s t-shirt, to touch bare skin.
"Jare…god, more…"
Jensen felt Jared’s hot breath against his skin. "Yeah…yeah," Jared panted, pulling back a bit, to show Jensen his flushed face, eyes dark with arousal.
Jared’s fingers left Jensen’s waist and traveled upward to the zipper on the hoodie, his eyes sweeping up and down Jensen’s body.
"You look good in my clothes," Jared smirked and Jensen felt his face go pink.
"Bet you’d look even better out of ‘em, though," Jared continued, voice dropping an octave, the sound going straight to Jensen’s groin.
Jared pulled the zipper down agonizingly slow, drawing it out, teasing Jensen. He stopped when Jensen’s upper chest was exposed, pushing the material to the side, his thumb dragging over Jensen’s nipple.
Jensen couldn’t help the thrust of his hips at the touch and Jared chuckled. "Sensitive there, Jen?" he asked before his head descended and his hot, wet mouth covered the tiny nub.
Jensen’s head tipped back with a groan, his eyes sliding shut as Jared started to suck. Jensen’s hand came up to tangle in Jared’s hair, holding the younger man in place.
"Fuck, yeah," Jensen ground out as Jared gently bit his nipple before laving it again with his tongue. "…feels good…harder…"
The younger man complied, increasing the pressure as Jensen’s hips continued to move against Jared’s leg. Then Jared was moving, leaving Jensen’s sensitive, swollen nipple, blazing a path downwards with his mouth and tongue as he unzipped the hoodie the entire way.
Jensen was nearing sensory overload by the time Jared’s chin bumped the head of his swollen cock, which was trying to force it’s way out of the top of his boxers. Jared put his hand on the waistband, then looked up at Jensen through his bangs, eyes asking permission. Jensen could only nod his head, biting his bottom lip as Jared eased his boxers off his hips and down his legs, tossing them onto the floor.
Utterly exposed, Jensen’s breaths came in short bursts, waiting for Jared to touch him, taste him, anything. And when Jared’s hazel eyes met his, so full of heat and desire and want, Jensen’s heart lurched in his chest. But when Jared’s mouth closed over the head of his cock, Jensen forgot how to breathe.
He was dimly aware of the noises he was making as Jared’s head bobbed up and down, tongue pressing against the underside of his cock, then swirling over the crown, into the slit, all the while sucking, sucking, sucking…
Once again Jensen was powerless to stop the jerky thrust of his hips, wanting to slide deeper into the tight, wet heat of Jared’s mouth. But the angle was all wrong, awkward, as they were still laying on their sides. Jensen made a frustrated whine, wanting to lay on his back and have Jared blanket him with his body, but his stitches prevented it.
Jared sensed his need, for he pulled off of Jensen’s cock a moment later.
"It’s Ok, Jen, I got you," Jared said, kissing Jensen’s stomach, then rolling off the bed.
Then it was Jensen’s turn to watch with hungry eyes as Jared pulled off his t-shirt then pushed down his jeans and boxers, his hard cock jutting out proudly in front of him. Jensen reached for him, impatient, fingers aching to map out every inch of Jared’s skin, followed by his tongue.
Jared smiled and moved back onto the bed, laying on his back beside Jensen. He hooked a large hand around Jensen’s neck, pulling him into a long, deep kiss. Jensen’s hand started to wander over Jared’s chest, fingertips ghosting over hard muscle covered by soft, warm skin. He found a nipple, swallowed Jared’s moan as he teased the nub to pebble hardness, then trailed his fingers down further, over hard abs to the soft hairs below Jared’s navel.
His knuckles brushed Jared’s cock and he turned his wrist, fingering just the head, swiping through the sticky moisture he found there. Jared jerked at the touch, hips moving, and Jensen wrapped his fingers around Jared’s length. He was hot and heavy in Jensen’s palm, steel wrapped in silk. Jensen broke the kiss to look down as he tightened his grip, to watch as Jared’s cock slid through his fist.
But he only had time for a few strokes before Jared was pulling his hand away, breathing, "Jen, wait, I want – I wanna do this…c’mere…" while tugging at Jensen until he had him up on his knees and straddling Jared’s chest, pulling on the sleeves of the hoodie until Jensen let it fall from his shoulders onto the bed.
Jared smiled up at him, his hazel eyes glinting, running his hands up Jensen’s thighs – then he licked his lips.
"Oh god," Jensen groaned, knowing where Jared was going with this.
"Oh yeah," Jared chuckled, urging Jensen’s hips forward until his cock bumped up against Jared’s lips, painting them shiny with precome.
Jensen leaned forward, bracing his left hand on the headboard while his right cupped Jared’s jaw, thumb rubbing.
"C’mon, baby," he murmured and Jared was opening his mouth and Jensen was guiding his cock inside.
Jensen tipped his head back, mouth falling open at the feeling of once again having his cock sucked by the younger man. The flat of Jared’s tongue was pressing against the bundle of nerves at the base of the head and Jensen twitched at the sensation, hips stuttering.
Jared hummed around Jensen’s cock, encouraging him, and Jensen went with it, pulling back before pushing forward, sliding his cock a little deeper into Jared’s mouth with each thrust.
Jared hollowed out his cheeks, sucking harder, tongue flicking around the head over and over, Jared’s hands gripping Jensen’s ass.
"Oh – oh, just, just like that…" Jensen panted, hips pumping slow and easy. "Suck – suck it, Jare…" he groaned, tangling the fingers of his right hand in Jared’s hair.
Jensen felt one of Jared’s hands leave his thigh, drifting to the side and then he sucked in a breath as Jared cupped his balls, already drawing up tight against his body, rolling them in their sac.
Jensen’s moan came from deep in his chest and he felt the beginnings of his orgasm coiling low in his groin, his hips faltering in their rhythm. "Almost, almost," he breathed, biting his lip as he looked down to see his cock sliding in and out of Jared’s mouth. "More, Jare…" he pleaded, so close to tipping over the edge and coming down Jared’s throat.
One of Jared’s long fingers snaked behind his balls, then further back, and Jensen tried to spread his legs wider, his thighs burning.
"Yeah…yeah, do it," Jensen told Jared, breathing fast in anticipation.
Then Jared’s finger was there, pressing against his opening, sliding inside to the first knuckle, and Jensen was lost. He cried out, pushing back onto Jared’s finger, taking it in deeper, then forward into Jared’s mouth one last time.
He came with a strangled sob of Jared’s name, his cock pulsing streams of his semen down the younger man’s throat over and over. And Jared swallowed around his cock again and again until Jensen twitched from over stimulation and Jared let his cock slip from his mouth.
Jensen was panting, the only thing holding himself up was his left arm on the headboard, looking down at Jared, whose lips were shiny with spit, hairline damp with sweat, hazel eyes blown wide with pure lust and desire.
"God…Jare…" Jensen breathed, then felt Jared reach behind him with one long arm, and the arm started pumping.
"Oh fuck, yeah, " Jensen growled. "Do it, Jare…get yourself off…wanna watch you come…"
Jensen tilted his hips back until he could feel the head of Jared’s cock press against his ass. Jared whimpered and bit his lower lip, eyes sliding nearly shut as he drove himself to climax with just one, two, three more strokes.
Then Jared was coming, mouth dropping open, back arching, the movement pressing his cock right up against Jensen’s entrance.
"God…" Jensen gasped as he felt the hot streams of Jared’s semen coat his ass and the inside of his thighs.
Beneath him, Jared went practically limp as the last pulses of his orgasm left his body. All Jensen could do was smile down at the younger man, at the look of pure contentment that shone from Jared’s eyes.
Jensen eased himself off of Jared’s long body, knowing he should clean himself up, but too exhausted to do anything but lay down next to his friend, now lover, and hook a leg, and arm, over him.
Jared’s chest still rose and fell with deep breaths, and Jensen could feel the slight sheen of sweat on Jared’s skin beneath his fingertips. He stroked Jared’s skin lightly as the younger man got his breathing under control.
Jensen kissed Jared’s shoulder, smiled against his skin. "That was…amazing."
"You’re so fucking hot," Jared smiled, then kissed the top of Jensen’s head.
Jensen flushed, swatted Jared’s stomach and the younger man chuckled before tipping Jensen’s chin up, turning serious.
"Thank you," Jared whispered.
"For what?"
"For not letting me go," Jared answered. "For fighting for this."
Jensen looked deep into Jared’s eyes. "You’re worth fighting for," he said, voice rough, then captured Jared’s mouth for a long, soft, gentle kiss.
Jared wrapped an arm around Jensen when they parted, and Jensen felt his fingers brush against the gauze pad.
"You didn’t pull anything did you?" Jared asked. "You feelin’ Ok?"
Jensen turned a playful, teasing gaze on the younger man. "Hmmm…I’m not sure. Wanna play doctor?"
THE END
